STAND OUT AND BE NOTICED!
Oscar Wilde, famous English playwright wrote, “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about (at all). Paul Vincent, author and communications expert (1964 - ) once wrote, “I’d rather be noticed as someone who was different than never noticed at all.” The rule is incredibly simple – “How can anybody be attracted to you if they don’t realise that you’re there?” So how do you stand out and be noticed? There are three simple steps and each of them requires courage. These are great body language secrets.
|Be different but not foolish.
For example, if all the women at a formal ball are wearing black then dare to wear a deep crimson or emerald green. You’ll stand out and usually be admired for your verve. “She must really be confident to wear that …” But remember, don’t be foolish. Wearing a transparent gown with no underwear … well sure you’ll be noticed but maybe not in any way that you’ll enjoy. Don’t be scared by this advice. For example take the case of Czechoslovakian model Karolina Kurkova. Just before the 20th November 2008 she took part in a fashion show for Victoria’s Secret – the lingerie line – and the world noticed she didn’t have a belly button. Did the world scream freak? No … overnight she became the most searched for woman on the internet (for a while). Her popularity ratings soared. People that had never heard of her before were suddenly interested and for two days it was the most e-mailed story.
There is something about human nature that is driven to recognise and focus on difference. In the case of Karolina her lack of a bellybutton was unusual, strangely sexy and curious. On the 20th of November 2008 the World noticed Karolina not for her stunning beauty, not for the clothes she was wearing but because a tiny part of her body was smoother than most peoples’. Now if that doesn’t make you think then nothing will.
Just a little bit more. This is a touch complicated but we’ll do our best to explain. Being different is always a good idea but it works best if it is kept within context and limits. Basically this means going a “little bit” further than everyone else. Let’s say your social environment is “into” dancing. Everyone is on the floor for an average of ten minutes but you make sure you’re out there for fifteen. The secret is to be just different enough to be noticed but not so different that people think you’re weird. We’ll give you another example. Let’s say that your social group is “into” hairstyles. You could be radically different and shave your head. You’ll be noticed (as Britney Spears was just before she lost custody of her children) but not in the right way. If your group is into being blonde then be golden blonde not platinum. Women love a “fit” man. So be just noticeably fitter than the competition. You do not need to have every muscle looking like a balloon full of ball bearings on steroids.
|Be unpredictable (Spontaneous).
Most of the time human nature desires routine and patterns and so most people actually strive to be consistent. Why do humans want this? The secrets simple … because then they can fit in, file it away and forget about it. (See: Information overload). We are taught to conform from a very early age and find it very hard to ignore or throw off this social conditioning. Bizarrely we notice (and often admire) those that can within limits. How many times have you heard a woman say, “I can’t wait to see him again he’s so wonderfully predictable.” You’re right … not a lot! Perhaps you’ve heard a man say, “She always does the same thing – I love it!” Nope … we don’t think so. The French really understand this and actually have a cultural saying. “Viva la Difference
”. In English it means, “Praise (or long live) The Difference.” Being boring and predictable is fine for when you’re old and grey but when you’re younger and playing the game then being predictable just makes you seem old. Once again let us remind you that going too far has the opposite effect. Occasional unpredictability is very good but where your unpredictability becomes the norm (predictable) you just become too much like hard work.
BROADCAST INTEREST NOT AVAILABLILITY
This is one of the least written about body language secrets. One of the key rules of human nature is that people want what they can’t afford. Any loser can broadcast availability. In fact, it’s often their basic state of being and can be noticed like a screaming siren. However, like a siren it also warns people to beware. This is a very subtle concept because interest also denotes availability. Put another way … it is important to seem only interested (available) to the ‘right” person and this “quality” availability is focused on that single person rather than broadcast to everyone. The interest is now valuable. It is very interesting to watch human behaviour in a nightclub. During the early part of the evening when people are more sober and focused the “Quality Interest Signals” dominate peoples’ body language. However, as the evening progresses and the alcohol consumption increases a shift in behaviour happens. The initial, quality, pairings have taken place and those that remain start switching from focused interest to “I’m now open to any suggestions” availability signals. It is exactly the same principle as a seller dropping their house price to ensure they get a taker. It is for this reason that so many people (men and women) wake up the next day with someone they can’t believe they spent the night with.
PROMOTE YOUR ASSETS
Any shopkeeper will tell you that what’s in the window gets the customers inside! Sure, they don’t always buy but they do often look and quite often open the door. In reality there are very few totally perfect people. Most humans have aspects about themselves that are good and some that aren’t so appealing. As far as body language secrets are concerned, the trick is to significantly promote the good or the assets. This achieves two important things. Firstly, it advertises the positive and secondly, it draws attention away from the negative. Let’s take the case of Elaine. She is tall and rather plain looking but she has a nice body, extraordinarily long lithe sexy legs and a fantastic crown of dark lustrous hair. Not surprisingly, she tans her legs and wears very short skirts. She also really emphasizes her hair and plays with it often. Men’s mouths drop open when she walks past. She’s actually also intelligent, got a good sense of humour and is fun to be with and people find this out once they make contact but it’s the hair and legs that got them to her in the first place. The same is true of men. Jack is slightly shorter than average (5.6”) and only moderately good looking. However, he has great hair, a masculine face a really fantastic smile. As such, he tends wear striking shirts, expensive clothes and sits at the bar rather than parading his lack of height. When the right girl comes by she gets the full force of the “killer” smile. Jack has them queuing up. Basically it’s simple – display your best assets.
If you want powerful body language secrets then pay attention to this one. Humans are often most attracted to people that are at least 80% similar to themselves (physically and intellectually). There have been whole books written about why this is and feel free to go and read them. However, if you want the key points then this is what you need to know. In a social situation most people are actually looking for security, reassurance and reinforcement. Security means safe amongst your own kind. Reassurance means people whose views, beliefs and behaviour supports yours. Reinforcement means people who agree with you. For example; it’s a nightclub and a guy arrives dressed in preppy beige chinos’ and a blue blazer. Sure … he’s different and will be noticed but not in the right way. Everyone else is dressed in leather, lace and skin tight denim. Your first thought is – “He’s not one of us. He doesn’t belong here!” Another example; a sexy girl sits down next to you and her first words are, “You know drink is bad for you and I don’t believe sex should be fun!” WTF? Still, there are millions of people in America who believe just that. We could go on but the point is that we humans like having things in common with other people and we reject those that are different from our social group. So if it’s attraction that you are after then you have to “fit in” while at the same time being different enough to be noticed. It’s some trick if you can pull it off.
PHYSICALLY FIT - THE RIGHT WEIGHT
It also seems that people are attracted by the physical normality of the time and culture. The basics that don’t seem to change are these. Women like broad shoulders and narrow hips in a man. Men like long legs, soft skin and noticeable, but not exaggerated, curves. Being either too thin or too fat is definitely a problem. However what constitutes these conditions is very subjective to where you live, the age you live in and your cultural background. For example being slender in Europe could be seen as very thin in Brazil. What most people are attracted to is fitness. This explains why many women are repulsed by heavily built body builders. Instinctively they know that all that muscle can’t be healthy in the long-run. This is also the reason why men really do prefer a woman with moderate curves rather than a skinny magazine model.
THE SCENT OF ATTRACTION
Not all body language is about what you see – it’s about what you touch and, very importantly, about what you smell. There’s two parts to this …
Pheromones: This is still a hotly debated subject but here are the basics. Pheromones are airborne chemical signals (scents) that are produced by one creature and cause a compulsive and instinctive reaction in another of the same species. A very common pheromone is one that triggers a sexual interest reaction. It is believed that humans do produce and react to pheromones but the scientific evidence is sketchy. One anecdotal, but strong, case for the power of pheromones is the dance floor. When a large group of people get together in an energetic and enclosed area there is also a dramatic rise in sexual awareness. This may be caused by the concentration of pheromones in the air. In our hygiene focused world the idea that sweat and body odour can be appealing is surprising but there is a lot of evidence to suggest that a little can be. Eight out of ten women said they were most attracted to their partner after he had worked out and then had a quick shower. This makes sense as he would be both clean (very important) but still scented with Pheromones. The same number of men said they were often very aroused by a woman who had just worked out whether she had showered or not. We’re not sure about this but it does bear thinking about.
Good Smells and Bad Smells: The perfume industry worldwide is huge. This alone should be proof of the importance of smelling right. The human body produces a vast range of smells and some add to attraction but many can have the opposite effect. The Bad smells are usually anything that is associated with illness, poor hygiene or filth. For example, smelly feet indicate athlete’s foot disease. Bad breath indicates possible tooth decay and long-term sweat may indicate poor personal hygiene. Humans are consciously aware that most diseases can now be controlled or cured but subconsciously they remain terrified of them. Smoking, stale coffee, oily hair, alcohol, wet clothes and skin oils can all create unpleasant and unattractive odors. The first rule is to eliminate them.
Good smells are those that suggest cleanliness, health and comfort but are not so strong as to be overpowering. Light perfumes for women – heavier musk perfumes for men. Fresh smelling clothes and lightly scented hair are good. Comfort smells are those that people associated with good things and make people relaxed and open. Apples, cinnamon, fresh mown grass and vanilla are all good examples. One woman we know claims that she always dabs a hint of chocolate essence on her neck as well as her perfume and claims it works wonders. (Who knows she could be right.)
The basic rule is this: A bad smell is very bad and is a big turn-off. A good smell won’t draw the opposite sex compulsively to you but it will send the right message.
THE ALPHA SECRET - THE RULE OF ONE
The Alpha Body Language Secret is simple. Both men and women want to make the best match that they can at the time. One very strong consideration is the instinctive drive of both sexes to be attracted to the dominant member of the opposite sex. By dominant we don’t mean domineering but leading. So in group situations there will always be a single man and a single woman that become the focus for the majority of the interest and attraction. Therefore if you wish to have the greatest chance of attracting someone you need to become the Alpha in the group. There are two simple ways to do this. Firstly, you could be the Alpha person by making sure your appearance and behaviour allows you to assume this role. This is easier said than done. Secondly, you could make sure you are naturally the Alpha person by ensuring that everyone else of your sex is a beta. Put simply, don’t hang out with people that are noticeably more attractive than you are. If you do you’ll always be a second choice. Ever wondered how that average guy got that stunning girl? It’s simple - he was probably the Alpha in the group that met the girls. It works the other way around too.
BEAUTY & SYMMETRY (The Good & Bad News)
What is beautiful or handsome? This is one of the hardest things to define and yet all human beings seem to be able to instinctively recognise it. Is blonde better than dark hair for a woman? Is a strong chin more important than brooding eyebrows for a man? The truth is we just can’t make up our minds – both as the Aquiziam team and humanity in general. What the experts do seem to agree on is that facial symmetry or the balance between the features is important. The more balanced the greater the attraction. According to psychologists Viren Swami and Adrian Furnham in their recently released body language book “The Psychology of Physical Attraction”, facial looks are by far and away the most important factor in attraction. This is true of men and women but seems slightly more important to men. This sounds true although we’ve all been told for generations that it isn’t. Here’s a test. We bet you can remember what your favourite film star looks like but have a tough time remembering their height, shape and even their clothes.
Well that’s the good news and means that people now know that this is critical and can do something about it. However, the bad news is that makeup can only do so much. Cosmetic surgery can improve a person’s facial looks but is it worth it? Well it seems that the growing trend of young people to have their features fixed means they obviously do. They are still a minority but a growing one.
GET REAL - THE RULE OF TWO
Whether we like it or not – when it comes to body language everyone has a natural degree of attractiveness to the opposite sex. To make this understandable you can assign yourself (realistically) a score from one to ten. You will be attractive to anyone of your score, a point higher or a point lower. People two or more points lower than you are likely to be distrustful of your motives. (He/she can’t possibly be interested in me?) People two or more points higher are likely to be dismissive. (I can probably do better.) Now this is a general rule and depends on the conditions of the time such as the competition, the level of alcohol consumed, etc. Also, an attractiveness score is based on more than looks although these play a huge part. Similarity is a fundamental part of attraction and therefore similarity in attractiveness levels does make scientific sense.
PUSH THEM OUT - SUCK IT IN! RADIATE CONFIDENCE
When we say push them out and suck it in we are referring to women’s breasts and men’s stomachs. This is not to put them on display (which doesn’t hurt) but this posture projects body language confidence. The underlying psychology of this message is simple. I am worth noticing and taking an interest in. The first person that must believe that you are desirable is you.
And ... the Bonus Body Language Point …
THE FETISH FACTOR
You probably won’t have seen this before because it is often just a bit too “taboo” for most people to appreciate and discuss. Basically it works like this. Almost every person alive has something specific that they find intriguing and attractive in the opposite sex that seems to defy the laws of common sense. By being aware of these you have that secret added advantage over your competitors. Some of the most common fetishes (and you can check these for yourself) are:
|Attracting men …
||Attracting Women …
|Sexy Female Feet:
||23,100,000 web results
||22,3000 web results
||60,500,000 web results
||12,300,000 web results (Est.)
||963,000,000 web results
||Sexy Role Play:
||38,400,000 web results
We’ve only listed three examples for each gender but there are hundreds. Some are truly bizarre.
A final thought on fetishes and body language is this. Men are currently more inclined towards fetish interests by a factor of 65% to 35%. Nobody is really sure why this should be. A final point, fetish behaviour in females is growing year-on-year and should equal that of males by 2025. This may have to do with society relaxing its social female conditioning at an early age.
Why is this important? Well, if you know a person’s fetish interest and play to it with your body language then you have powerful “mojo magic” when it comes to attraction. Recently a guy we know noticed that a woman he works with seemed to wear a different pair of sexy high heels every day. One day she was in his office and without thinking he said, “Those are Manolo Blahniks aren’t they? They make your feet look sexy.” He swears she literally jumped on him. It turns out she was as turned on by wearing sexy shoes as he was by seeing them. A match made in Heaven.